How to survive the holiday break with your toddler…

When you didn’t know childcare was planned to be closed for the whole break—cue panic.

I’m not panicking, but let me be honest—I called Aiden’s childcare center last Tuesday/Wednesday and was shocked to learn that they would be closed for the duration of winter break. I was expecting to experience some level of reprieve from my high energy toddler, BUT our childcare center had other plans. First, we pay you (insert crying emoji). “Why on earth would they be closed for the whole break?” cries this millennial mom.

I had intentions to dive heavily into Courtney Chanel brand work, but that has since transitioned into activity and creativity focused on Aiden. Whoosh.

It’s been nonstop motion on this Monday, ensuring that he’s entertained and engaged. Thus far, we’ve baked low-level Pillsbury Snowman cookies courtesy of Walmart and they were delightfully delicious. We also had an impromptu play date and that made life so much easier. There is nothing like tag-teaming with another mama to make it work. It lessens the load and makes life easier.

Here’s how you can survive the holiday break (even if it was unexpected):

• Plan different low-level activities that keep your kid(s) occupied - think about baking pre-made cookies. The excitement is in the placement process. If you’re feeling nifty, go ahead and make them from scratch! I wasn’t interested in the cleanup and I have no shame. Aiden just wanted to put them on the pan and watch them in the oven—and eat them after, of course!

• Incorporate movies that will grab his/her/their attention - There is nothing like that downtime. It is necessary! Strategically place movie watching after breakfast and activities, so you’re able to slow down and simply THINK! By doing this, you’re creating a buffer between the morning hustle and lunchtime. After the movie, have lunch and a nap for little ones.

• Maintain a schedule - This is your friend and your kid(s) is/are predictable and you know it! Kids need and love routine. They love to know what’s coming. The best thing you can do is create a routine that somewhat mirrors what is experienced at childcare.

• Take a nap too! - Your routine is off! You’re going to be tired and it is okay! Take that nap when your kid naps! It may make or break your ability to make it through the afternoon. It doesn’t have to be the same length as your child naps, but know that it may help you to push through. Holiday break fatigue is a real thing!

• Walk away when you need to - Tension may run high with everyone’s altered routine. Remember to walk away and reset when needed. It will allow you to disconnect and be able to address your child in the best way possible.
  

What are some ways you survive the break? Share below!

Tips to refresh your routine with your child[ren]

It’s so easy to get caught up in your daily routine and feel like you are just going through the motions. Recently, the same thing happened in my home and I have been longing to switch things up. Sometimes all it takes is a step back to notice and reflect on what is happening in order to do things differently.

For about 2 months, I have been coming home feeling exhausted. I would drag myself through the evening routine, which by no means is fair to Aiden. With the cold weather and the park no longer being an option, it was necessary to identify indoor routines that would provide us with the opportunity to decompress from the day and transition into the house without feeling crazed. It was important for me to allow him to do something different from the structured school day at childcare.

I purchased a jumbo floor puzzle made by The Learning Journey from TJ Maxx. This was after we had a playdate at my mom-friend’s house and the kids worked together to complete a 12-piece puzzle. Unfortunately, they only had a 50 piece puzzle and I thought it was going to be a disaster. It wasn’t. Let this serve as a reminder that your kids will surprise you.

As a working parent, it is easy to feel disconnected from your child’s learning. Don’t feel like you cannot contribute to their growth and development because you aren’t a teacher or an educator. Be encouraged to explore the toy sections of stores like TJ Maxx, Marshalls and Burlington. They come with quality toys at low prices (almost half the price than on Amazon) and refresh your child[ren]’s toy collection, as well as introduce him/her/them to something new.

Here’s what our routine looks like when we return home on a weekday. It allows us to transition and decompress, as well as brings about a sense of relaxation:

1. Arrive home, change into our house-clothes. Put dinner in the oven or at least prepare it.

2. Sit to do a puzzle or floor activity. This activity takes place without the TV on, so we can engage in quiet learning and problem-solving. We are able to engage in thinking together without interruptions. It’s important to make sure that all other toys and distractions (like balloons for Aiden) are put away.

3. Sit and eat dinner together.

4. Watch TV together

5. Bath and Bedtime

There are times when I stay up afterwards and do some tidying up around the house or enjoy some television for myself. Please know that those days are few and far between. I wake up in the 4 o’clock hour on most weekdays, so staying up past 9 o’clock is a stretch.

For Mom: Tips to Survive the Holiday Season

The holidays are a time meant for joy, peace and love, but for some they can be a time filled with stress. It can become difficult to navigate the many children’s activities that are catching your eye, holiday shopping, family events and family relationships and traffic—traffic everywhere. Here are a few general tips to help you navigate the holiday season with some level of relative ease.

1. Plan ahead - Think about what you would like to focus on during the holidays to make sure that you are able to fit in everything you want to do. Whether this includes taking a family photo for you holiday cards, going to see those special holiday shows, taking family pictures with Santa, spending time at multiple houses to visit with family—plan ahead. The holidays tend to come with a number of obligations and it is best that you know what you’re signing up for. If you are able to, give yourself a Birdseye view using a calendar or the appropriate mode of organization for yourself and your family to keep in mind what is going on.

2. Be realistic & set boundaries - Know that you don’t have to do everything. Stay away from social media pressures and the desire to keep up with the joneses. Succumbing to social pressures will likely land you in an emotional and/or financial depression. Do what works for you. DIY projects may not be your thing, but that doesn’t mean that you don’t have a keen sense of creativity to spruce up the place.

3. Keep it simple - If you need to. You don’t have to do everything. You don’t have to buy 10 gifts for your kid. You can keep it simple and do what means the most to you. The memories are the most important and if your child is at least 2 years old, he or she will remember. It’s the excitement that brings the joy about the holidays. If you focus on that and figure out what “keeping it simple” means for you, then you’ll be good to go. Finding your niche during the holiday season makes it a little smoother.

4. Know your limits - Know when it is time for you to take a time out. Know when you need to press the ‘pause’ button and stop. Know when you are filtering too much input, whether it is from other persons’ opinions, too much interaction with crowds or traffic, too much shopping or eating. Just know when you need to stop. Be okay with saying ‘no’ or ‘I can’t do that right now.’

5. Use your resources - Shop online! Avoid the commotion and overstimulation from going into the stores during this busy season. You never realize how much stress in-store interactions cause, not to mention how much time you save by shopping online. Use grocery delivery services like Shop Rite At Home, PeaPod, Prime Now (Amazon via Whole Foods), Walmart, etc.). Don’t forget to use the Drive Up or Pick Up options are stores like Target and Walmart. Of course, Amazon Prime will always be your friend. Saving time in these ways allows you to allocate those extra hours elsewhere.

MOM STORIES: I'm Not #MomGoals and that's OK

Before getting pregnant and having children, I always thought I knew what kind of mom I would be. How my pregnancy and delivery would go. How smart and well behaved my kids would be. How clean I would keep my house. I may even have silently judged other moms, as if I knew anything about parenting. I was going to be the mom who kept it all together. #MomGoals.

Everything we see tells us that Moms are supposed to be the glue that holds everything together, rarely highlighting that Moms struggle too. Fast forward to the present and I realize how unrealistic and honestly unhealthy those expectations really are. I fall short daily and I have to be ok with that. Nothing has gone “as planned”:

• My Birth Plan went out the window when both of my children were born via C-Section due to complications with my cervix.

• After the second I was told having a third child is high risk for me - insert feelings of inadequacy...something that is supposed to be natural and my body is “made to do” is not so natural in my case. (Black maternal mortality rate is at an all time high might I add)

• Those snap back goals that I see everywhere are not my reality at all. That “just go to the gym or workout at home” advice people give me isn’t as realistic for me as it might be for others...insert feelings of body insecurity, intimacy issues and depression.

• Postpartum depression is real. Something no one talks about when discussing having children. They only tell you about the joy, but not how to handle the other rollercoaster of emotions you may feel, which is why it’s natural instinct to hide/ignore them. Body insecurity, feeling unprepared/inadequate as a mom, extreme exhaustion, loss of self... And honestly it’s hard to be vulnerable and let those around me see that most days I’m holding on for dear life.

Not to be dramatic, but it gets real! Balancing life with children. It’s all a balancing act and it’s ok to not get it right all the time. I still struggle with being ok with that.

Here’s how I’m trying to do it:

1. Faith/Prayer/Fellowship - This is one that I believe is so important for myself. I stopped going to church for a while and I saw the difference! Since going back I feel like I’m coming out of a slump.

2. Talk About it - Very difficult for me. Not so much because I want to pretend like it doesn’t exist, but I am just so grateful for my husband/children that I feel guilty when I feel negatively about anything. I chose to be a wife/mom and it’s the best choice I have ever made. However, wanting/needing a break from parenting is NOT SELFISH! Feeling your feelings is nothing to be ashamed of.

3. Extend your village - It’s scary to leave your kids with anyone and finding a trusted babysitter has been a mountain I have yet to climb. Living in a different state than family and friends for us has meant our village is not close by. It also means breaks for “self care”, date nights or extended time without children are few and far between. My oldest is 3.5 and my family/close friends will tell you I rarely leave my kids unless it’s with family and even then I’m constantly checking in. A friend of mine offered recently to watch the boys so that I could get a date night with the husband. It went amazingly well and made me realize we NEED A BABYSITTER! even though it took me almost 4 years...We are here!

4. Don’t compare yourself to others - In a world full of imperfect people portraying a perfect image it’s easy to be hard on yourself. In reality everyone is fighting their own battles and coping with their own struggles. We are all just doing our best!

5. I had to stop taking some things personal, especially when it comes to being a mom. No one else can understand where I’m coming from, but that doesn’t mean they don’t have something to add to the conversation. Instead of expecting them to “get it” (they won’t ever get it completely because it’s my own feelings) I’m just thankful to have people who care enough to ask or listen in the first place.

Lastly I’m trying not to lose myself in the shuffle. The little things I enjoyed before I was a mom, I have to find a way to make more time for them. *Refer back to #3* Use your village to make it happen!

Signed, A Mom Who Is OK Not Being #MomGoals

-Paris McPherson