Tips to refresh your routine with your child[ren]

It’s so easy to get caught up in your daily routine and feel like you are just going through the motions. Recently, the same thing happened in my home and I have been longing to switch things up. Sometimes all it takes is a step back to notice and reflect on what is happening in order to do things differently.

For about 2 months, I have been coming home feeling exhausted. I would drag myself through the evening routine, which by no means is fair to Aiden. With the cold weather and the park no longer being an option, it was necessary to identify indoor routines that would provide us with the opportunity to decompress from the day and transition into the house without feeling crazed. It was important for me to allow him to do something different from the structured school day at childcare.

I purchased a jumbo floor puzzle made by The Learning Journey from TJ Maxx. This was after we had a playdate at my mom-friend’s house and the kids worked together to complete a 12-piece puzzle. Unfortunately, they only had a 50 piece puzzle and I thought it was going to be a disaster. It wasn’t. Let this serve as a reminder that your kids will surprise you.

As a working parent, it is easy to feel disconnected from your child’s learning. Don’t feel like you cannot contribute to their growth and development because you aren’t a teacher or an educator. Be encouraged to explore the toy sections of stores like TJ Maxx, Marshalls and Burlington. They come with quality toys at low prices (almost half the price than on Amazon) and refresh your child[ren]’s toy collection, as well as introduce him/her/them to something new.

Here’s what our routine looks like when we return home on a weekday. It allows us to transition and decompress, as well as brings about a sense of relaxation:

1. Arrive home, change into our house-clothes. Put dinner in the oven or at least prepare it.

2. Sit to do a puzzle or floor activity. This activity takes place without the TV on, so we can engage in quiet learning and problem-solving. We are able to engage in thinking together without interruptions. It’s important to make sure that all other toys and distractions (like balloons for Aiden) are put away.

3. Sit and eat dinner together.

4. Watch TV together

5. Bath and Bedtime

There are times when I stay up afterwards and do some tidying up around the house or enjoy some television for myself. Please know that those days are few and far between. I wake up in the 4 o’clock hour on most weekdays, so staying up past 9 o’clock is a stretch.

MOM STORIES: I'm Not #MomGoals and that's OK

Before getting pregnant and having children, I always thought I knew what kind of mom I would be. How my pregnancy and delivery would go. How smart and well behaved my kids would be. How clean I would keep my house. I may even have silently judged other moms, as if I knew anything about parenting. I was going to be the mom who kept it all together. #MomGoals.

Everything we see tells us that Moms are supposed to be the glue that holds everything together, rarely highlighting that Moms struggle too. Fast forward to the present and I realize how unrealistic and honestly unhealthy those expectations really are. I fall short daily and I have to be ok with that. Nothing has gone “as planned”:

• My Birth Plan went out the window when both of my children were born via C-Section due to complications with my cervix.

• After the second I was told having a third child is high risk for me - insert feelings of inadequacy...something that is supposed to be natural and my body is “made to do” is not so natural in my case. (Black maternal mortality rate is at an all time high might I add)

• Those snap back goals that I see everywhere are not my reality at all. That “just go to the gym or workout at home” advice people give me isn’t as realistic for me as it might be for others...insert feelings of body insecurity, intimacy issues and depression.

• Postpartum depression is real. Something no one talks about when discussing having children. They only tell you about the joy, but not how to handle the other rollercoaster of emotions you may feel, which is why it’s natural instinct to hide/ignore them. Body insecurity, feeling unprepared/inadequate as a mom, extreme exhaustion, loss of self... And honestly it’s hard to be vulnerable and let those around me see that most days I’m holding on for dear life.

Not to be dramatic, but it gets real! Balancing life with children. It’s all a balancing act and it’s ok to not get it right all the time. I still struggle with being ok with that.

Here’s how I’m trying to do it:

1. Faith/Prayer/Fellowship - This is one that I believe is so important for myself. I stopped going to church for a while and I saw the difference! Since going back I feel like I’m coming out of a slump.

2. Talk About it - Very difficult for me. Not so much because I want to pretend like it doesn’t exist, but I am just so grateful for my husband/children that I feel guilty when I feel negatively about anything. I chose to be a wife/mom and it’s the best choice I have ever made. However, wanting/needing a break from parenting is NOT SELFISH! Feeling your feelings is nothing to be ashamed of.

3. Extend your village - It’s scary to leave your kids with anyone and finding a trusted babysitter has been a mountain I have yet to climb. Living in a different state than family and friends for us has meant our village is not close by. It also means breaks for “self care”, date nights or extended time without children are few and far between. My oldest is 3.5 and my family/close friends will tell you I rarely leave my kids unless it’s with family and even then I’m constantly checking in. A friend of mine offered recently to watch the boys so that I could get a date night with the husband. It went amazingly well and made me realize we NEED A BABYSITTER! even though it took me almost 4 years...We are here!

4. Don’t compare yourself to others - In a world full of imperfect people portraying a perfect image it’s easy to be hard on yourself. In reality everyone is fighting their own battles and coping with their own struggles. We are all just doing our best!

5. I had to stop taking some things personal, especially when it comes to being a mom. No one else can understand where I’m coming from, but that doesn’t mean they don’t have something to add to the conversation. Instead of expecting them to “get it” (they won’t ever get it completely because it’s my own feelings) I’m just thankful to have people who care enough to ask or listen in the first place.

Lastly I’m trying not to lose myself in the shuffle. The little things I enjoyed before I was a mom, I have to find a way to make more time for them. *Refer back to #3* Use your village to make it happen!

Signed, A Mom Who Is OK Not Being #MomGoals

-Paris McPherson