Here's What Happens When You Keep Just Pushing Through

Yesterday, I made my way to New Jersey for a podcast recording on mental health. I dragged myself out of bed, the house and onto the highway to make the hour-long drive to talk about one of the things I'm passionate about. The reality is I really did not want to. All I could think about was staying in the house, staying in the bed and doing nothing. I persisted though. I pushed through because I was supposed to. I made a commitment that needed to be kept and quite frankly I'm glad I did. What happened thereafter, was a result of pushing when I wasn't particularly ready or up to it. 

Each time I make my way to Jersey (if you've been keeping up, you know that I'm temporarily located in Pennsylvania), I make sure to run my errands, schedule time with friends paired with a play date for Aiden. While I completed all of my tasks, I felt like a robot going through the motions. My date with some crab legs was planned to take place sometime in the 2 o'clock hour and my stomach was screaming for something around 12. I figured a 4-piece nugget from Wendy's could hold me over, not to mention I could grab Aiden something as well. Not realizing the time and having completely forgotten to start the Zoom for Breaking Ground, I neared Wendy's beating myself up. Pulling up to Wendy's, I found the drive thru line pouring out into the street and not only was I annoyed, but overwhelmed and unable to think clearly. While l was on the phone with my friend, I knew I needed to end the call and try to figure out what I would eat. This led to a crying spell that I could not control nor explain in that very moment. It highlights that even when you're moving, smiling and showing up, depression and anxiety can still be very present and in the way. There it was. 

My mind began racing and blocking any reasonable thought that could slow me down. It wasn’t until I made it to KFC that I was able to begin thinking clearly enough to tell myself “it was okay.”

Here’s what would have worked in my favor before leaving for New Jersey: meditating, yoga, journaling—something that allowed me to have a moment to ground myself. Having solid wellness routines in the morning will set you up for success, especially on a “rainy” day (whether actually rainy or you’re feeling gloomy). Until l ground myself back into my wellness routines, I won’t have a solid grasp on Courtney and what she needs.