To Discipline or Not to Discipline? That is the question

I find this conversation surfacing quite often and realize that there will never be a “right” answer. When thinking about discipline, we need to take several steps back to remember the meaning of the word. As a noun, discipline is ‘the practice of training people to obey rules or a code of behavior, using punishment to correct disobedience.” I want to focus on the former portion of the definition—training. This is the approach that I take in parenting. Discipline does not necessitate the use of physical means, although sometimes it can. There are many ways to get the desired behavior/outcome, but it does take discipline—in whichever way that you mean it.

So let’s talk. A while ago I did a ‘This or That?’ poll on Instagram just trying to get a feel for what other parents are doing. The responses varied at some point, but on others were pretty consistent. I want to go back to when Aiden was around 4 months old and I was sleep training him. It took discipline on both our parts to be successful in that avenue. Do you know how hard it is to allow your infant to cry it out? That is the method that I chose to use and within a few nights, my little baby was sleeping soundly through the night in his own crib in his own room. There was no turning back after that.

Fast forward to present day—what does discipline really look like in my home? My 2 year old has responsibilities. He needs to clear his plate, clean up his messes, pick up his toys, use his manners, follow directions, follow re-directions, acknowledge when he’s done something wrong (or at least recognize it—he’s still learning) and tell me when he needs to potty (or just go to his potty). He should not be throwing things because someone can get hurt. He should not go in mommy’s drawer (although he still does), but these things are being worked on. These things take discipline. It takes learning and shaping of his behavior. Yes, I read books, speak to other moms and have even consulted with my aunt who is an Early Childhood Educator. There is no handbook. A road map does not exist to tell you how to parent your child and how you will grow him up. What is important is finding your rhythm and being consistent.

Those things that I mentioned Aiden being responsible for pretty much began when he started walking around 9 or 10 months. I didn’t wait. My philosophy was, if I create the habit now then it won’t be an issue later. There are ways to make little responsible humans without being punitive.

I use timeout when needed, typically when he has falls out or has a tantrum. I sometimes do a quick pop on his hand, more so when he does something that puts his or someone else’s safety in question. If he does get a quick pop (or pluck for that matter), you can believe an explanation follows thereafter. My preference is timeout to use it as a reset or redirecting the behavior to the desired behavior with an explanation. Leave it to older generations, he’s a child so you shouldn’t explain anything to him. He should just do as I say. Although I do believe this somewhat, I believe that you should tell someone (even if that someone is 2 years old) what he is doing wrong. There’s a level of trust that you build with your kid in these moments too.

I think the key takeaway for this post is to remain consistent in whatever you set your standards to be. Whatever you decide on as your method, make sure you keep that routine going. Be okay with the learning that both you and your child are experiencing. Children thrive on consistency and knowing what to expect. When you maintain fluidity, you see less behavior outbursts. Veer from that routine and he will show you how he feels about it.

As always, thanks for reading!

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