I was feeling mom guilt. . .

And quite honestly, it hasn’t fully passed yet either. Pre-Aiden, I was one of the most social people I knew. I would regularly cross state lines to attend and support friends’ and family member events. It didn’t matter where it was, whether in CT, MA, PA, NJ, VA, etc.–I did my best to be there if I was available. I didn’t care if I had multiple events in one day, I was going to hit the road and go. The same applies to regular socializing, like going out to eat, the movies, bars and stuff like that. I looked forward to regularly scheduled outings. I knew that things would change after Aiden was born, but I didn’t know it was going to be like this. Of course, there’s an adjustment period, but I completely fell off. Not only do I feel like I don’t have “going out outfits” anymore, but I also didn’t want to put the energy into getting myself together to get out. I got comfortable with being a homebody, but with that I realized it was hard to maintain any type of social life. But paired with the lack of desire to get it together and be out with adults, I also didn’t want to miss out on any time with Aiden–cue mom guilt.

Mom guilt is typically the result of not spending enough time with your child. Mommies tend to feel mom guilt in a lot of different situations, most common being related to working and often working too much. But for me, I know I have to work–it’s not an option y’all, so I don’t feel guilty about that. Now when it comes to the point where I need to take time for myself (and we all really should), I feel guilty.

If I’m being completely transparent, this was something truly hard for me. Often I would cancel my plans (even after I’ve made arrangements with Aiden’s dad, my mom or sisters) because I would feel guilty about not spending time with him. Or I’d only go to events where he would be welcomed. I didn’t like the idea of going out knowing that he was awake and I wasn’t spending those waking hours with him. I rationalized the following in my mind: his bedtime routine starts at 7 (we’ll talk about this later), so you can wait until he goes to sleep to go out. I also felt guilty because I thought I was inconveniencing everyone else and I hated that idea. Over the past few months, I finally started to let go a little bit. It definitely took me making some adjustments and allowing myself to be OK with having adult time and interactions, lol.

Prior to actually going out, my friends and I would have monthly sleepovers to allow for time to catch up without me having to worry about missing time with Aiden, leaving the house or making arrangements for someone to watch him. This came paired with breakfast and mimosas, so it was good. At the same time, I was limiting myself to the comfort of my home and not allowing myself to have any new experiences or to meet new people.

I must say, it also makes it a little easier now that he is getting older. I’m more comfortable with letting go a little more and resuming a social life. I’ve been making small attempts (baby steps, really–pun intended) at getting out more. No, not to the club (because I really have no interest in that), but at least to the bar for a drink; dinner with my friends and even making time for date night.

It’s something that I had to discuss with my village–my parents, family and friends because I definitely needed support in order to be okay having my own time. And so I started. Now I’m out. I make plans again and keep them. I still struggle with the thought that I may be overdoing it sometimes and that’s more so in those weekends that I have multiple engagements/events/plans made. But honestly, I have and will continue to reclaim my time! Heyyy, Auntie Maxine!

Does anyone else struggle with feelings of mom guilt? Leave your comments below!