A lot has changed!

It’s time for me to tell you all what’s been going on. A LOT has changed since my last blog post, which led to me having to take a long and much needed hiatus.

In August—I started a new job, new daycare and moved all in the same week. It was the most stressful thing I’ve endured in a long time and I didn’t think that this stress would have lasted as long as it has—even through today.

Let’s start with the new job: I am now a 9th grade social worker in a local charter school. Charter schools serve an amazing purpose, but let me tell you—staff has multiple roles tied into one. The kids make the job worth it, but my hours are long and I’m definitely exhausted by the end of the day. Then we can cue Aiden and his terrible 2 tantrums. Back to the new job—the adjustment was harder than I expected. I’m still learning and we’ve been at work since August 1. I’m responsible for both counseling students and case management for special education students and quite frankly, it seems impossible. We all make it work though! I’ve been in many positions within social work and I must say, this has been the MOST TAXING.  It’s been an adjustment. There is an overwhelming lack of boundaries and that’s because it’s the culture. Everyone’s meant to be available to the families. Social work and all that we do isn’t built for that. There HAS TO BE a work-life balance. I LIVE ON BOUNDARIES.  Aiden’s time is HIS TIME! And best believe, I refuse to answer the phone after school hours. I hate that idea so much. It’s so invasive and quite frankly, I didn’t think I’d be experiencing that while working in a school. I’m believing it is all worth it once that first school break comes up (heyyyy Thanksgiving, I see you coming). Once the students finally started, I loved it and I knew why I was there, but believe me it’s work!

My new job prompted a change in daycare since I would no longer be working at the hospital and shortened my commute from 50 minutes to 20 minutes including drop off. The mere search for a new daycare within a 10 day span was emotionally exhausting in itself. It was SO hard, but so worth it. I go to work knowing he’s being well taken care of, LEARNING AND I don’t have to pack breakfast or lunch anymore!! Let’s all cheer for that being removed from my list of plenty of things to do. Aiden’s adjustment to the new school was ROUGH. He cried every time I dropped him off and best believe it made me want to cry too! I didn’t know if he hated the teachers, hated the kids or what! Then finally one day it all clicked. No more tears. He willingly goes to the teacher in the morning and I can peacefully go to work.

And then the dreadful move. The expensive move. It cost me so much. I’m still paying for the movers! We moved back at the end of July/early August and need I say it was a poor decision on my part.  We moved right into the hood (really unbeknownst to me) and I feel like I regret the move on a daily basis.  Every day I’m dealing with noise, every day I’m relying on someone else for parking… every day I’m uncomfortable in the apartment I’m living in.  So much that I haven’t unpacked the boxes with the exception of the clothes we need.  I refuse to. My lease is 6 months, but I don’t think I’ll make it. I have brief moments of optimism, but chile listen… it’s not working. Unfortunately, we were being pushed out.  My landlord had sold the house and the new owner had his own plans to occupy my space. Yes, I could have endured and he could’ve bought me out, but who wants someone breathing down your neck? I want to feel at peace when I return home. So I jumped.  I LOVED the apartment, but my love for the apartment did not allow me to see the surroundings for what they truly are–JUST PLAIN NOISY.  My neighbors are nosey and people who are hanging outside all day and night. Our first night in the apartment was a Sunday night. I’ll never forget how I had to go to work the next day and my neighbors were outside until 11:00PM blasting music and talking loudly.  Throughout the week the experience was HORRIFYING. It was the same loud noise and I had to double park my car. This wasn’t the only time either. Parking is ATROCIOUS . Literally, my neighbors have to save me a parking spot EVERYDAY because by the time I get home at 5:00PM, if they hadn’t, I better expect to be double parked outside FOR THE NIGHT! Who wants to live like that? My bedroom is in the front of the apartment, on the first floor… street side.  IT’S NOT WORKING! I don’t have cell phone service and started talking to people less. I don’t go on play dates during the week anymore because I don’t want to inconvenience my neighbors who are helping me. I also don’t want to be at risk of not having a parking spot. This place has caused me to be so isolative it’s not even funny. Believe me, I am forever grateful that they are helping me, but I hate having to depend on someone else and wait.  Aiden is antsy by the time we get home and I just want to go right inside. But sometimes I’m waiting around 10 minutes to park and it’s just…ugh.

With all of this, I resumed therapy. I had to. I had fell off, unintentionally, but it is beyond needed. I wasn’t even able to function any longer. It was the best thing I could do for myself in the moment. It really happened due to the move and starting the new job and then Aiden’s dad’s work schedule changing.  I’m learning mindfulness techniques to manage anxiety related to life. I’m doing 7 minute yoga, whatever helps at this point. I fell away from journaling and obviously blogging, but hey, as long as I can get to my session on time, which is always a goal—I’m good.

So we had the move, the new job and new daycare. Let’s talk about routines. Routines have changed fully. Aiden’s dad’s work schedule changed from 8A-4P to 5P-1A. LET’S WELCOME THE FULL TIME SINGLE MOMMY! I thought I was doing it before, but LISTEN, what a wake up call. I’m tired. The tantrums are tiring. Really tiring. It’s to the point where he’s falling out and I’m walking over him. That’s it. I’m not feeding into the behavior. If it’s not raining, I take him to the park, wear him out (or at least think I am) and we come home. Eat, Bubble Guppies (or Buppies, as Aiden calls them), bath and read 3 books (because he makes me read 3) then bed! That’s our routine. And by the grace of God, I’ll be able to stay awake and watch a show or two. That’s actually been my goal over the past week—to be able to stay awake until 10:00PM and watch tv. Be an (normal) adult. I haven’t gotten back to reading, but I’ll get on it. Maybe it’ll be a goal for next week.

It’s been a rough past 2 months. Adjustments everywhere, but I’m getting it together. I’m staying in prayer, meditation and whatever it will take to get me to where I need to be in order to be present for the kid.

Just know I’m here.

If you’re going through a rough patch, you’ll get through it. You may take several steps backwards in the meantime, but you’ll make some headway eventually. You’ll be able to see the bright side of things again soon! Figure out how to maintain your focus, maintain your peace.
I wrote 3 goals and placed them in my bible. That’s what drives me. I wake up thanking God everyday for what I have and asking for what I need. I pray for peace. I focus my energy and I rid myself of negativity as quickly as possible. I try to stay on top of a routine and hire a cleaner off of task rabbit when I need to (did it just last week)! We can try to do it all, but we have to put ourselves first so we can be present for our kids!

That’s just the bottom line!

Figure out what’s your inspiration and what will pull you through.