Another Sick Day

Today, I allowed myself to become overwhelmed. I generally don’t do well when Aiden is sick and that mainly because I feel helpless and saddened by the fact that he’s not feeling well. For me though, this time was a little different. My sensitivity to him being sick was heightened and that’s because once again, I knew exactly what it was. Yet another ear infection. Still, I don’t know what causes them–what another virus? I get tired of hearing that. It’s annoying to say the least. It’s almost better for the doctor to say “I don’t know.” Anyway, in the notes section of the appointment I scheduled for 10AM today, I wrote: “possibly another ear infection” because I knew nothing else would cause for him to have a fever that continuously spiked every 5-6 hours. That’s the other thing, overwhelming anxiety paired with a sleepless night is pending no good outcome.

So here we are at the doctor’s office, where she’s asking all the routine questions and I’m sitting browsing my phone because I don’t even need to look up to answer them. Yep, nope, 104.1, blah blah blah. And don’t get me wrong, I take Aiden’s health very seriously–sometimes too seriously, but I knew what it was. Then she looks in his ears–bilateral ear infection. Hey, I knew it. Okay, so what’s he getting this time because last time it was Cefdenir (I can’t be the only one that remembers each antibiotic and when it was last given, right?). In addition to my inquiry about the antibiotic, I asked about an ENT referral because at this point I’m about tired of my baby having ear infections.

There have been 5-6 since we started daycare this time last year. Just about every other month we have one. She agreed and then my mind went everywhere else other than where it should’ve been. Automatically, I begin to overthink and dread the idea of him getting tubes in his ears. Honestly, I don’t even know what that really means, but the thought of it made me anxious and stressed.

The regular post-doctor visit ensued and so we went to the pharmacy, retrieved the medicine then home so I could set him and his father up for me to go to work for a half day. Needless to say, I should’ve stayed home the entire day because when I tried to give him his antibiotic, he spit it everywhere. Then I couldn’t find the Tylenol I had bought at 4AM and he was getting warm again, despite receiving a dose of Motrin in the doctors office. Not to mention, I couldn’t find my spare keys to give his dad. It was too much at once and I fell apart.

Now, I could’ve easily slowed myself down, but my brain isn’t wired that way. I HATE not being able to find things. Not to mention my kid was refusing to take the medicine that would definitely make him feel better or at the very least stop the fevers! I checked out. I went into my car because I didn’t know what else to do at that point. I took a deep breath and when I looked to my left, saw the spare keys. After that, I waved my white flag and let his dad pick up where I left off.

Now this is all a prime example of how mommyhood can easily become very overwhelming, but also how mini panic attacks can possibly be prevented. I’m learning to let go of some things that are out of my control, but unfortunately I couldn’t access those skills today. It also shows the importance of a supportive co-parenting relationship–teamwork makes a dream work.

And for those of you who are wondering, Aiden is fine. You would’ve never thought he was sick in the doctor’s office. Mister Chatterbox wouldn’t stop talking and climbing on stuff!